Are You Right Sized? Self-Aware Needs Self-love. Do You Judge Your Personality's Traits Instead of Your Personality Defects?

We are made intelligently by the universe with randomly diverse beautiful abilities . I believe anyway.  I often get frustrated when people with big personalities feel guilty for some of the traits of their person.  My friend Tracy in the AA meetings is alpha and she's a female with a real boss as bitch vibe.  She is probably an alpha a lot of times when she's the only women. She and I probably alpha men as frequently most men who are alphas are the point man on things.  This happens to me sometimes,.  Women are often made to feel like we are obnoxious when they intimidate men because they've out shown them.  In AA we have to pick apart our shortcomings because these can cause us to drink. But how often do we take it too seriously and judge our own personalities instead. From what I hear when people discuss step four, shortcomings, we often judge too harshly the things that also define us. 

For the survivor, picking apart shortcomings can also be a dangerous thing.  We were at one point so broken that we endured terrible things.  We did this because someone convinced us our shortcomings meant we were less than. When your less than you don't get all the things.  It brainwashing really because an abuse does it intentionally.  They divested a way to take a victims personality and manipulate reality or circumstance to serve their selfish desires. I was a dyke because I have alpha moments.  He hit me if I proved alpha but it could be months later and I'd never know why.  He would take it our on me that I could be in charge of things,  He hated that. And for a very long he successfully took that away from me.  

The point is that an alpha shouldn’t try to feel smaller.  That’s her purpose.  This program can make you be too hard on yourself too.  There's a got to be a balance.  I think is easy to get tripped up between looking at your shortcoming and being too hard on yourself.  Like for instance we always look at what part we played in things.  But I have had an alcoholic tell me she was raped and it was she was drinking or drugging.  She said she had to look at her part…. WRONG!  That's victim blaming.  We can do it by slut shaming too. She wore that dress so... Just because she had alcohol and she is an alcoholic, doesn't mean she contributed to it.  She was still attacked and that is never someone's fault. 

Things have to be right sized.  If your personality is bold and big that is the right size for you.  It’s beautiful.  Part of being self-aware is knowing it’s okay to be gregarious and to love yourself big.  Even the parts that maybe make you more inclined to be an alcoholic or go along with some defects of the personality…. But these things are not inherently bad.  Like I’m a weirdo for real lol I don’t I think I something so “terminally unique.” It’s not a narcissism thing where I’m trying to get attention-different-than-everybody-else. I’m straight up weird.  I’m different than the majority of people. Facts.  Lol I kinda am different than everybody. And that’s okay that doesn’t mean I’m think I’m something special.  So why do I judge myself for thinking I'm unique?  Why does that make me feel like I should try to hide that part of me that I can't control?

I am just unique. Do you see it?  I hear people talk about the 4^th step in ways where they place the defect on top of the personality trait and shame that part of themselves a little. Right?  For example someone says, "I’m so opinionated. I think I’m right all the time.  I need to stop being like that so much. I should not speak up so much with my strong opinions or argue with people."  Well, hold on. Stop and ask yourself, are you usually, right? What is the percentage of times you turn out to be in fact, right?  Because if it’s 95% of the time, please don’t stop speaking up!  We are a bunch of Doo-doo birds.  Do you want us to follow the loud, wrong guy off a cliff?  Trump that please, lol!  I’m gonna need you to go ahead and be pushy. 

Maybe your personality is a little less empathetic and you don’t get really emotional… Okay sure, don’t be a dick to people but I bet that serves you.  I bet that’s how you cut a cadaver open in college and became a nurse or doctor.  So you're argumentative, how does it serve you?  Are you a lawyer or problem solver at work?  Don’t beat yourself up for being loud or big or right or nosey.  We are these things for a reason.  Diversity is a good thing. It’s the character defects that are bad not the character traits. Those are indifferent and doled out disproportionately. So maybe you’re kinda an ice queen. Are you someone who works protecting or managing the public, because I bet that really helps.  That means these parts of our personalities can also be good.  There is unbalances. So you don’t think you’re smart but are your kind.  Maybe there’s times that kindness makes you the wisest person in the room.  We don’t have to be nerd smart to be the smartest sometimes for sure.  

I do pray that I’m quieter and meeker and I can make myself small to help other people around me.  This will keep me from being narcissistic, arrogant and overwhelming but if necessary I’m glad I’m the loudest bitch in the room.  I’m glad to be overwhelming when something needs to change and people are not doing enough.  When something hurts a specific group of people, you’re damn straight I’m glad I’m overwhelming! When the masses are stacked up against the minority and there is injustice what does it take to strike the proper balance  The only way the minority can overturn this injustice is literally to be overwhelming. 

In yoga we embrace our Hamsa .  To accept ourself for who we are with a loving embrace.