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Surviving Domestic Violence: From Victim to Survivor, Discovering Healing is Possible

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  My name is Cat and I am a proud survivor of domestic violence #survivorsnotvictims #survivingandthriving. For the next three months I'm blocking all my other posts and focusing solely on my story as a survivor of domestic violence. While my story is engaging we aren't going to start as the beginning for a very important reason.  In order to start recovering the most important element is for a victim to see a way out. By visualizing a life free from trauma, I was able to start building a life that reflected who I really am.  The person that had been stifled, belittled and lost inside the chaos of abuse was still faintly breathing deep within my spirit.   My journey to manifest my future and begin healing started with the simple awareness that my broken spirit was not the real me. The twisted and sick identity I had accepted was violently prescribed to me by a sadistic criminal using me as a source for his narcissistic personality. Somewhere beneath all the mani...
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The People We Pray To. Who Are Your Saints?

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We all have different beliefs about a "higher power."  There's as many deities as there are people if you ask me.  In the rooms of AA we make sure to never instruct anyone on who they should pray to.  We just tell newcomers to pray and as far as I can tell, it works.  We are united in that we really on Faith to stay sober.  But there are some things we all have in common I think.   When you are alone with yourself do you ever consider those who have passed on?  Do we not all think of the saints in this life that we have known and whether or not they can see the things we do?  I've made decisions in my life that ashamed that some of my loved ones may have seen from a spiritual plane.  I recently dated a widower and the most amazing thing happen.  It cured my atheism.  The one problem I had with completing the steps on AA was step 3, concede and decide to turn our will over to the care of God.  It was something I simply coul...
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Are You Right Sized? Self-Aware Needs Self-love. Do You Judge Your Personality's Traits Instead of Your Personality Defects?

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We are made intelligently by the universe with randomly diverse beautiful abilities . I believe anyway.  I often get frustrated when people with big personalities feel guilty for some of the traits of their person.  My friend Tracy in the AA meetings is alpha and she's a female with a real boss as bitch vibe.  She is probably an alpha a lot of times when she's the only women. She and I probably alpha men as frequently most men who are alphas are the point man on things.  This happens to me sometimes,.  Women are often made to feel like we are obnoxious when they intimidate men because they've out shown them.  In AA we have to pick apart our shortcomings because these can cause us to drink. But how often do we take it too seriously and judge our own personalities instead. From what I hear when people discuss step four, shortcomings, we often judge too harshly the things that also define us.  For the survivor, picking apart shortcomings can also be a dan...
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These Aren't Just bruises, They Mark Where Someone's Violence and Hate Entered This Body, The Truth about Physical Violence and the Mind/Body/Spirit

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 Understanding why a person would stay in a relationship with someone who is abusing them is difficult for most people to comprehend.  I know what people think.  I could have left at anytime so why did I allow physical violence  against my person to continue?  As innocent as this question seems, it is the origin of the most effect legal defense available to abusers, victim blaming.  Victim blaming has historically allowed defendants to escape justice for criminal behaviors by gaslighting, crazy making and shifting blame.  I repeat the manta "Lie, Deny, Attack, Shift Blame."  My personal testimony includes repeating this mantra to my abuser when he tries dominating me as an aggressor in any way.  I say it over and over loudly and constantly until he stops speaking and disengages toxic behavior.  I don't even let the words spewing out of his stupid face enter my ear space.  He is wielding words like weapons and I do not participate or...
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The Other Woman You Should Be Worried About Is Probably Your Best Friend! Why You Should Stop Taking Relationship Advice From Other Single Women!!!

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 Forty-five and back on the dating scene is no cake walk already.  Because of my previous DV experience I waited 12 years to pursue a relationship seriously.  Instead, I settled for easy relationships that did not require true intimacy.  While I did not get my needs met romantically speaking, I think I learned some valuable insights for women who are dating no matter what age you happen to be.  (It's never too late is my most recent epiphany!)  I choose to date quite men.  My two relationships really produced two best friends but I still struggle with romantic intimacy.  Here's the hard truth.  Women don't also want you to succeed at love, even if they love you.  They may not even realize this reality as they are dolling out damaging advice and opinions all over your new found, budding love story.  Even nice girls can be relationship "mean," intentionally maybe but often definitely!!!  I discovered this anomaly accidentally but...
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What Is Up With The Office Queen Bee? Why are some women always competing? - mindful selfcare

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 We have all known one at some point in our lives.  She's the girl who always has to be the center of attention.  If you take attention from her in anyway she views you as a threat.  Before you know it you are in some type of compaction you didn't even sign up for.  We expect this in high school but what happens if a Queen Bee takes ever your work environment?  I'm going to tell you how the Lauren show took over my favorite team and single handedly ruined the culture in our office!  Looking back I would have done so many things differently.  So how do you handle a female narcissist in the work place?  Hopefully, by the end of this rant ways to address this situation will emerge.  First, we need to define the problem. I recently had the best job experience and the worst job experience collide in my professional life.  I was hired as an intake specialist for law firms by way of a call center.  I very quickly became the lead perfo...
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What I Learned About Men When I Was A Dancer

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You read it right.  It is exactly what you are thinking.  I believe I've mentioned before, I have a lot of stories and an interesting past.  Now I work in the legal field and as an advocate.  However, there was a time in my life when I wanted a good income but did not have  an education.  Full disclosure, this is still one of my favorite work experience so please don't judge me just yet.  I will explain everything!  I chose to do this article because honestly, it's the most engaging.  This is the stuff all women are curious about and I do have some insight into the male perspective now that I would like to bestow upon the internet ladies.   First of all, I am a classically trained dancer, a certified yoga teacher and I love to be naked, lol.  Now I do so in the privacy of my own home of course but there was a time when these three qualities made me a very successful dancer.  Note, I said dancer.  While I did see a lot...
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