How to Survive Yourself

 Understanding why a person would stay in a relationship with someone who is abusing them is difficult for most people to comprehend.  I know what people think.  I could have left at anytime so why did I allow physical violence  against my person to continue?  As innocent as this question seems, it is the origin of the most effect legal defense available to abusers, victim blaming.  Victim blaming has historically allowed defendants to escape justice for criminal behaviors by gaslighting, crazy making and shifting blame.  I repeat the manta "Lie, Deny, Attack, Shift Blame."  My personal testimony includes repeating this mantra to my abuser when he tries dominating me as an aggressor in any way.  I say it over and over loudly and constantly until he stops speaking and disengages toxic behavior.  I don't even let the words spewing out of his stupid face enter my ear space.  He is wielding words like weapons and I do not participate or...

 Forty-five and back on the dating scene is no cake walk already.  Because of my previous DV experience I waited 12 years to pursue a relationship seriously.  Instead, I settled for easy relationships that did not require true intimacy.  While I did not get my needs met romantically speaking, I think I learned some valuable insights for women who are dating no matter what age you happen to be.  (It's never too late is my most recent epiphany!)  I choose to date quite men.  My two relationships really produced two best friends but I still struggle with romantic intimacy.  Here's the hard truth.  Women don't also want you to succeed at love, even if they love you.  They may not even realize this reality as they are dolling out damaging advice and opinions all over your new found, budding love story.  Even nice girls can be relationship "mean," intentionally maybe but often definitely!!!  I discovered this anomaly accidentally but...