How to Survive Yourself

 Understanding why a person would stay in a relationship with someone who is abusing them is difficult for most people to comprehend.  I know what people think.  I could have left at anytime so why did I allow physical violence  against my person to continue?  As innocent as this question seems, it is the origin of the most effect legal defense available to abusers, victim blaming.  Victim blaming has historically allowed defendants to escape justice for criminal behaviors by gaslighting, crazy making and shifting blame.  I repeat the manta "Lie, Deny, Attack, Shift Blame."  My personal testimony includes repeating this mantra to my abuser when he tries dominating me as an aggressor in any way.  I say it over and over loudly and constantly until he stops speaking and disengages toxic behavior.  I don't even let the words spewing out of his stupid face enter my ear space.  He is wielding words like weapons and I do not participate or...

 Forty-five and back on the dating scene is no cake walk already.  Because of my previous DV experience I waited 12 years to pursue a relationship seriously.  Instead, I settled for easy relationships that did not require true intimacy.  While I did not get my needs met romantically speaking, I think I learned some valuable insights for women who are dating no matter what age you happen to be.  (It's never too late is my most recent epiphany!)  I choose to date quite men.  My two relationships really produced two best friends but I still struggle with romantic intimacy.  Here's the hard truth.  Women don't also want you to succeed at love, even if they love you.  They may not even realize this reality as they are dolling out damaging advice and opinions all over your new found, budding love story.  Even nice girls can be relationship "mean," intentionally maybe but often definitely!!!  I discovered this anomaly accidentally but...

  My name is Cat and I am a proud survivor of domestic violence #survivorsnotvictims #survivingandthriving. For the next three months I'm blocking all my other posts and focusing solely on my story as a survivor of domestic violence. While my story is engaging we aren't going to start as the beginning for a very important reason.  In order to start recovering the most important element is for a victim to see a way out. By visualizing a life free from trauma, I was able to start building a life that reflected who I really am.  The person that had been stifled, belittled and lost inside the chaos of abuse was still faintly breathing deep within my spirit.   My journey to manifest my future and begin healing started with the simple awareness that my broken spirit was not the real me. The twisted and sick identity I had accepted was violently prescribed to me by a sadistic criminal using me as a source for his narcissistic personality. Somewhere beneath all the mani...

 We have all known one at some point in our lives.  She's the girl who always has to be the center of attention.  If you take attention from her in anyway she views you as a threat.  Before you know it you are in some type of compaction you didn't even sign up for.  We expect this in high school but what happens if a Queen Bee takes ever your work environment?  I'm going to tell you how the Lauren show took over my favorite team and single handedly ruined the culture in our office!  Looking back I would have done so many things differently.  So how do you handle a female narcissist in the work place?  Hopefully, by the end of this rant ways to address this situation will emerge.  First, we need to define the problem. I recently had the best job experience and the worst job experience collide in my professional life.  I was hired as an intake specialist for law firms by way of a call center.  I very quickly became the lead perfo...

You read it right.  It is exactly what you are thinking.  I believe I've mentioned before, I have a lot of stories and an interesting past.  Now I work in the legal field and as an advocate.  However, there was a time in my life when I wanted a good income but did not have  an education.  Full disclosure, this is still one of my favorite work experience so please don't judge me just yet.  I will explain everything!  I chose to do this article because honestly, it's the most engaging.  This is the stuff all women are curious about and I do have some insight into the male perspective now that I would like to bestow upon the internet ladies.   First of all, I am a classically trained dancer, a certified yoga teacher and I love to be naked, lol.  Now I do so in the privacy of my own home of course but there was a time when these three qualities made me a very successful dancer.  Note, I said dancer.  While I did see a lot...

 I have this habit and it has grown over time.  In the beginning, I would get a hotel room at the local conference center for a night.  I would order food, watch premium TV, swim and layout.  No cleaning, cooking or worrying about what I need to get done for 24 hours.  Heaven, right?  But my staycations evolved into something I honestly don't know if I could do without.  I have always traveled alone because I was single for many years.  I guess I go used to it over the years and now I rely on it.  Rarely, do I leave my own town.  Life doesn't stop right.  I still have dogs, kids and a partner.  Responsibilities I can't afford to leave for any real length of time.  So I go to where I'm happiest. Whenever there is some stress in my life or I need a reset, I check in.  Usually, it's on an impulse.  I think I get to a breaking point, although subtle it is definitely burnt out and maybe the beginning of depression....

 I recently spent an absorbent amount of time trying to help my oldest child find her wings.  She graduated from college around the time of the pandemic and "failure to launch" affects her generation.    The jobs are not readily available for these graduates.  The pandemic disrupted their college experience, and they have accepted themselves as the "failure to launch" generation.  I feel bad for their timing but there is an overall attitude that they got screwed when it comes to adulting.   So I tried to help my little bird find new ways to invent herself.  I invested time and money and we both came up short.  What I thought would be a learning experience, completely turned on me.  In the end, I wasted thousands of dollars and a ridiculous amount of time on a project she just discarded.  To make matters worse she now seems to blame me for keeping her from making personal progress.  I was trying to help the child find her b...